Truth: Breast Reduction Surgery is AGAINST GOD!

As a red-blooded hetero male with a more-than-typical breast fixation, I have to tell you: breast reduction surgery is a horrible, terrible and awful sin that strikes out against all that's holy and destroys the beautiful, torpedo-shaped gifts our sweet, lord God hath bestowed upon you.

An overstatement, sure, but not far from the truth...about how we feel when we find out some amazingly-tittied mega-babe gets the ol' cut-up. Sure, we have no problem with breast augmentation surgery (well, some of us do...us purists...who want only the naturalest of breast-flesh to be displayed on the runway of the Oscars in a shear designer dress that cost more than most of us make in a year)...but to cut down on the cup-size simply because your BACK hurts? How selfish!

Clearly these women are NOT thinking about the wonderful gifts they bestow upon the world and it takes a truth-saying genius in the guise of a "mere comedian", Lord David Chappelle, to put a skit together that explains it all. The only sad part of that skit is, after seeing it, I didn't know whether the actress really had giant boobs or was unfortunately as flat-chested as she "wished" she could be. It's distressing because, of course, I want all giant mammaries to be real. It's a dream of mine...and likely many a cup-loving manimal out there as well.

"It's a Wonderful Chest" sketch by Dave Chappelle @ Yahoo! Video

So, that sums it up nicely, I think. I just learned about the uber-busty teen tennis sensation Simona Halep's breast reduction surgery and was saddened beyond belief. Sadder than a person should be...but that's what I'm talking about. Why did she get the cut? Well, supposedly she was tired of people making comments or digs at her in the press. Goddamn it! Can't we have anything nice? It's because of you catty bitches in the motherfucking press that this poor girl had to melt them sweater puppies down to mere speedbumps. Shame! You done pissed in the kool-aid, you hacks!

READ THIS TERRIBLE NEWS!!!

Thankfully, Anna Semenovich (seen at the bottom of the afore-linked-to article) is here with her new, giant tits...so we can cry upon them until we feel better. And, hey, hers look damned real...which is really all that matters, right? More on THAT topic later. That's a whole blog entry in and of itself.

And no, I will NEVER get over the Soleil Moon Frye thing...and neither will the rest of the heterosexual men who found their hormones shifting radically in the 80s. Sigh. Oh, Punky...

BEFORE! (glorious)



NOW... (*vomits*)



(okay, she's still pretty hot, but c'MON...did you see those bodacious ta-tas?)